Every so often I catch myself

Wondering just what could have been

Thinking of those who used to be family

Those who now are never seen

I don’t mean to do it

The thoughts they just appear

Piercing through my heart

Like a sharp, shiny spear

Thoughts about my Siblings

About Nephews and Nieces never known

Wondering what their lives are like

Wondering how much they have now grown

I wonder if things would be different

If they had known the truth

And not been told the lies

So young in their youth

The lies that came from mouths

Of adults we were meant to trust

Those who were meant to protect

But treated me like dirt and dust

But now it doesn’t matter

For they were forced to make a choice

They chose to stand behind them

While I stood and raised my voice

I don’t hold any blame to them

My siblings were not to know

That what they were being told

Was all just for one big show

Sometimes I even catch myself

Thinking of what that woman is like

Wondering if she thinks of me

Wondering why she didn’t fight

But then thoughts become too painful

Feelings start to emerge

The past begins to hurt

Tears are on the verge

So then I have to catch myself

Remind me that I am strong

Think of those who love me

Remember I belong

My family is different now

It is what love is meant to be

A love that doesn’t hurt

A love that set me free

So finally I catch myself

Stop me from falling back down that hole

Remind me who I am now

Remember I am finally whole.

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