Every so often I catch myself
Wondering just what could have been
Thinking of those who used to be family
Those who now are never seen
I don’t mean to do it
The thoughts they just appear
Piercing through my heart
Like a sharp, shiny spear
Thoughts about my Siblings
About Nephews and Nieces never known
Wondering what their lives are like
Wondering how much they have now grown
I wonder if things would be different
If they had known the truth
And not been told the lies
So young in their youth
The lies that came from mouths
Of adults we were meant to trust
Those who were meant to protect
But treated me like dirt and dust
But now it doesn’t matter
For they were forced to make a choice
They chose to stand behind them
While I stood and raised my voice
I don’t hold any blame to them
My siblings were not to know
That what they were being told
Was all just for one big show
Sometimes I even catch myself
Thinking of what that woman is like
Wondering if she thinks of me
Wondering why she didn’t fight
But then thoughts become too painful
Feelings start to emerge
The past begins to hurt
Tears are on the verge
So then I have to catch myself
Remind me that I am strong
Think of those who love me
Remember I belong
My family is different now
It is what love is meant to be
A love that doesn’t hurt
A love that set me free
So finally I catch myself
Stop me from falling back down that hole
Remind me who I am now
Remember I am finally whole.
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