Willingness to wait

2020; Another year gone by. Another year passed awaiting a decision. Another year full of police appointments, meetings, statements, questions and hope that maybe a charging decision would come through. Another year without that decision.

I waited and waited. I waited for minutes, hours, days. Until days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and finally, those months turned into another whole year.

I don’t really know why I am still waiting. This case has been going on for so many years. It has been back and forth from the Police to the CPS so many times, that I have lost count.

It has been going on so long that countless officers have been put on my case and have then been transferred or left. Last count it was seven. Seven officers on one case! Seven different officers for a victim to try to trust. Insane!!

Gradually, over time, I began to feel like I am waiting for something that is never going to happen.

Going through a Police case and the Justice System takes a long time. Sometimes, like in my case, it takes a really, really long time.

I try to forget what happened. I want to forget what happened. But waiting for this decision means that I never can.

Because I am finally healing, there are moments now where what happened isn’t in my head all the time. Days, sometimes even weeks now, I can go without the memories taking over. But they are always there, hiding, and then they come back and try to take over all over again. Except now I try hard not to let them, for I have learnt that time doesn’t stand still for anyone or anything and I refuse to let this, to let him, have any more control in my life any longer.

I waited. I waited for a long time for someone to save me until I had to learn to save myself. I’ve been waiting a long time for this to be over but it never ends. I’ve waited. Been tired. Lost hope. Then, somehow, I found the strength to keep going again.

Losing hope happens to us all, especially when dealing with something so difficult. But don’t allow it to become a habit. We must still allow ourselves to live, still dream, otherwise what is the point in fighting for what is right if it ruins our lives and takes away our joy.

I get tired all the time. I want to give up, and as we enter 2021 I want this wait to be over, but I have realised that I have to be strong enough and patient enough to wait for what I deserve.

I deserve to be heard.

I deserve a voice.

I deserve freedom.

I deserve justice.

And my willingness to wait reveals the value of what I am waiting for!

Thanks for reading.

** Image courtesy of Google Images **

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