“Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to” – Unknown
As my world was once again falling apart those many months ago, at a time where I had once again lost all faith in love and hope, he appeared.
Him. His smile. His eyes. His voice. His laugh. His hugs. His warmth. His existence. Him.
He turned up unexpectedly, took my heart and changed my life. Since he came along, I now see why it didn’t work with anyone else.
For he knows me better than I know myself, because he took the time to see me. The real me. He has jumped so many hurdles and broken down the walls that I built up to protect myself. He knows my deepest, darkest secrets and he has seen my nightmares. He has re-lived them with me. He has kept me safe.
He has been more patient with me than I deserve in over 100 lifetimes. Understanding my past, my trauma. Understanding my fears. Being patient with my recovery. Even when sometimes I don’t deserve him to be.
He has seen me at my strongest and he has seen me at my weakest. He has seen my light and he has seen my darkness and yet he is still here. He sees the sorrow that sometimes sits behind my smile, the love behind my anger, the reasons behind my silence. Knowing my emotions are a struggle for me, he tries to understand, he tries to help me, instead of just writing me off like others would have done. I am a hard person to love sometimes but when I love you back, I love you hard, with all that I have.
He is still here. Raising me up when I feel weak, when I feel like I can no longer cope with the investigation or the PTSD. When I doubt my abilities at work, when I judge myself when trying something new before I have even started, he is still here, believing in me, loving me, wanting me. Just as much as I want him.
We fit together. We love. We laugh. I cry ( a lot!) He comforts me. We snuggle. We live. We fit.
I love him for the amazing daddy he is to his little girl. I love him for his smile and his eyes and for the way he makes me feel when he looks at me.
I love his patience and his kindness and how he makes me laugh every single day. I love how hardworking he is and how he takes pride in everything that he does.
I love how when we kiss it just feels right and how we fit when we make love. I have never enjoyed sex until him. I finally feel completely safe with him. I love how his cuddles make me feel like the safest, most loved girl in the whole world. I love him. For him. Because he doesn’t just write me off as a mistake and he loves me for me, as I am now. He does not try to change me. He believes in me. In my strength. In my recovery. He is still here.
He is still here. My spark in the dark. My unexpected love.
A love I have never felt before. A love that makes my heart ache with happiness and pride when he is stood by my side. A love that makes me have enough courage to trust him with all that I have. For trust comes easily when you recognise that the person you love isn’t the same as those from your past.
Some people search their whole lives to find what I have found in him; my partner, my lover, my friend, my soulmate. Every time I think it impossible to love him more, he proves me wrong and I grow more in love with him every day.
Some people may say the timing wasn’t right, but for me, for us, the timing was right where it needed to be. Finally my heart and mind are at one.
He is my missing piece.
He is my anchor.
My unexpected love.
And for his eyes only I will finally show my whole heart.
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