No longer my mother


I used to cry out for you
When I was very small
Back then when I was tiny
I had no cares at all

I called out when I had nightmares
For the monsters under my bed
For the times that I was sad
And when I needed to be fed

Then as I got older
But still a little child
My cares became more scary
And I no longer smiled

Daddy started touching me
In places so unknown
I was very scared
I was all alone

I cried out for you once more
I slowly whispered “mum”
I thought you didn’t hear me
Because you didn’t come

Slowly I got older
And touching turned to rape
Still only a teen
I had no escape

I began to raise my voice
And still you never came
Instead you silenced me
And made me feel to blame

You never said “I love you”
You never said “I’m proud”
You only got so angry
And hid me from the crowd

Gradually I stopped calling
As I knew you wouldn’t come
You never tried to save me
And yet you called yourself my mum

You called yourself my mother
But it was a disguise
One you only wore
So no-one else would hear my cries

Finally I got old enough
To understand the truth
You didn’t only know
But you had known my whole youth

You called yourself my mother
And yet you let him touch
The thing you are meant to hold most dear
The child that should mean so much

I don’t know if you loved me
I do know my love for you was true
I wish that had been enough
For you to love me too

You’ve never been my Mother
Not in reality, just in dreams
Finally all the truth
Is bursting at the seams

You held the name for thirty years
The title and the crown
But no longer anymore
I’m taking your crown down

My heart is torn to pieces
As others celebrate Mothers Day
The pain that you caused me
Upon my shoulders weighs

I wish you no ill feeling
I do still care so dear
But it’s time to free my heart
To begin to heal, to let it clear

Please don’t be mistaken
Because it does break my heart to say
But you are not called my mother
Not for one more single day.

Thanks for reading
** Image courtesy of Google Images **

2 thoughts on “No longer my mother

  1. So sorry for your loss, but really, who needs a ‘mother’ like that? It sounds like she failed massively in her role…
    Keep moving forward! You’re doing great!!!


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