I don’t think people understand how hard it is to explain what is going on in your head when you struggle to understand yourself.
I am in a bad place right now. I try to fight it but I am completely shutting down.
My wings are broken as emotions chain me up. I am unsure how to fly right now.
I feel like I am tied up in sorrow, chained and bound, unable to break free.
I am stuck in a cycle of Depression. Shame and worthlessness eat me up inside.
Rejection leaves me feeling crushed and defeated. I will not talk but instead build up my walls once again to protect my fragile heart.
Knives, scissors, pins and razors take their place as my defenders once more. Each new wound, each new drop of blood, make getting through each day a little easier. It is not right but it is all I know. The only way I know how to survive.
My head and heart are tired. My mind and soul are weak.
I am an untamed, niave creature fighting hard for survival yet unsure how to survive.
PTSD brings memories I do not want to remember.
BPD brings emotions and feelings I cannot control.
I am here but I am not. I know people care but feel like they don’t. I know I belong but feel like I don’t fit anywhere.
I am so sad but no tears will fall. My heart is numb. Broken into so many tiny pieces that I am not sure I will ever be able to piece it back together.
My wings are broken as I slowly begin to fall apart. I am unsure how to fix them.
Emotions take control. Sadness pains my heart. Anger hurts my head. Fear makes me want to crumble. Loneliness and rejection make me want to run and hide. I am emotionally destroyed.
I am chained up. Afraid of my own mind. I fight every single day when all I want to do is give up.
People tell me to try harder, to take control, to move forward. They see this bad place I am in and believe that I am weak, that I am not fighting as I should be.
However they do not understand. For the days that I am at my weakest are the days that I am fighting my hardest.
These are the days that I fight not to give in to the sadness and the fear. These are the days that I fight the demons. The days that I fight my abusers voices telling me I should just die because I am worthless and a mistake.
I am in a bad place right now but I fight even though I am weak for right now I am broken, I am chained up.
I am chained up with broken wings and I need to heal before I can fly.
Thanks for reading
**The above image is my own**