First Christmas

9157113-standard.jpgAs I sit here wrapping christmas presents
And decorating my tree
I find myself thinking of you
Wondering if you think of me                                                                                                   Christmas is a special time
Full of laughter, joy and fun
But for me my christmas memories
Can never be undone
                                                                               I have no memories to cherish
My toys and gifts came at a price
Whatever you all gave to me
I’d have to give back a sacrifice
                                                                              As tinsel fills my living room
And baubles fill my tree
I stare at the mini santa claus
Looking back at me
                                                                              Tears fill my eyes
Pain spears my heart
The joy of the holidays
Begins to fall apart
                                                                              The memories of my childhood
Begin to fill my mind
Laughter, joy and happiness
I can never find
                                                                              Christmas was a horrid time
Pain and sadness I would endure
Yet here I sit and miss you all
Feeling so unsure
                                                                          I’m not so sure it is you I miss
But my childhood that was taken
I guess that all this christmas stuff
Has made the pain awaken
                                                                               I wish I could be happy
And enjoy the twinkling lights
Instead my memories trigger
Nightmares every night
                                                                              You took my body and my soul
You broke my heart in two
The love and joy of christmas time
I really never knew
                                                                               I sit here hearing christmas songs
Watching adverts on T.V
Wondering if you see them too
And ever think of me
                                                                              Christmas is a joyous time
But here I sit heartbroken
I had no choice, it was my time
My voice had to be spoken
                                                                               I know I will make new memories
I know that this is true
But I cannot stop the pain
Of the childhood I never knew
                                                                          My christmas time is different now
I am not yours to control
Yet still my heart is broken
Never again will it be whole
                                                                            My heart is in little pieces
My eyes are sore from tears
I am not sure how to make it
Through christmas time this year
                                                                          The sadness it takes over
The pain makes me want to crumble
I guess that this first christmas
Will be a little stumble
                                                                          You may have left me all alone
But if I had a choice
I’d rather be alone
And allowed to use my voice
                                                                              So as you wrap your presents
And decorate your tree
Take a moment to think of me
And know that finally I am free.
                                                                              Thanks for reading
**Image courtesy of Google Images**

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