Not every betrayal can be forgiven

butterfly-wallpaper-09“Everyone makes mistakes”

“If you can’t forgive, don’t ask to be forgiven”

“If we really want to love, we must forgive”

“Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong”

I am sick of having people tell me to forgive. That if I forgive my abusers and my family I will have peace.

I am sick of seeing quotes on Facebook about how being able to forgive makes you strong and how if you cannot forgive then you are weak.

Is that really what all these people think?! Do they really believe that all these quotes are true? If so then they would think of me as being weak because the one thing that I know I will NEVER be able to do is to forgive my abusers or my family.

I can forgive a lot of things, and I have forgiven them for plenty, but I cannot forgive what they did. I cannot forgive them for hurting me and why should I?

They are not sorry. They do not care about what he did to me. They can never undo what they have done. They can never undo the pain and sadness they have caused. They can never undo my broken heart.

The way I look at them will never, ever be the same. My abusers are evil. My family are liars, all willing to protect their reputations over their daughter’s safety.

There is some betrayal that cannot be forgiven. Those men raped me, abused me for over twenty years, and my family let it happen. Tell me; would you forgive them if they had done this to you or to someone you love?

My family stood by my stepfather. They betrayed me and called me a liar. They protected him. They still stand by him. Tell me; would you forgive if this was your family?

I don’t feel sorry that he was arrested. I don’t feel sorry that their lives are in disarray. Did they feel sorry when I was a child and my life was in disarray? No! None of them helped me. Not a single one. They tore my life apart at just 13 years old and they broke my heart. I will never forgive them.

Some people would say that this makes me weak. To those people I would ask; if your son or daughter was raped and abused, if your sister or niece had been through what I have been through, would you forgive the offender?

I cannot forgive but that does not make me weak. After everything those men have done to me, after everything my family have done to me, I am still trying to move forward. I am still trying to get justice and find peace. Just because I can’t forgive them doesn’t mean I won’t find peace and it doesn’t make me weak. I have lived through a lifetime of abuse. I am trying to find my voice and I am speaking up to try to save others from my tormentor’s hands. Doesn’t that in fact make me strong? At least a little?

Besides can you really forgive someone if you cannot forget? I will NEVER be able to forget what they have done to me. However, in time, hopefully I will be able to live with it, find peace and move forward and I do not think that that has to involve forgiving them.

Forgiving isn’t easy, especially when you can’t forget and in all honesty I don’t want to forgive them. They stole my childhood, my innocence, my life….why should I forgive them?

I will never be able to forget so please do not tell me to forgive. Not every mistake deserves forgiveness.

I am finding my wings and I am learning to fly. I am learning to fly without their evil holding me down. It will take time but I will find peace one day. I will find light and leave this darkness and it won’t be because I forgave them.

There are just some betrayals that you cannot forgive!

Thanks for reading

**Image courtesy of Google Images**

2 thoughts on “Not every betrayal can be forgiven

  1. I understand what you’re saying and I agree with you for where you are right now. I still get frustrated with all the forgiveness stuff because I don’t believe that most people know what forgiveness means anymore.

    Everyone has their own view of it and makes their own assumption about what’s going through someone else’s heart and head. I’ve had people lecture me and criticize me mercilessly insisting that I was “bitter and unforgiving” because I was still hurt by what had been done to me. They claimed that if I had REALLY forgiven, I wouldn’t hurt anymore as if that is all there is to it! They were sooo wrong!

    The damage that had been done to me through a series of incidents done by different people over my childhood left deep untended wounds that distorted my view of everything, especially myself. Forgiving anyone or everyone TOTALLY FAILED to address that distortion. I needed to recognize the lies that I’d believed that fed that distortion. I needed to look deeper into what had happened to me. I had to HOLD THE PERPETRATORS RESPONSIBLE. That was the biggest thing that most people who demand forgiveness overlook. I blamed MYSELF for everything! I couldn’t begin to forgive the people who had actually harmed me before I recognized that they were the appropriate people to BLAME! I am so sick of hearing that blame is inappropriate. All that has done is make us look for a different word to use.

    While I blamed myself, I learned that I couldn’t really forgive myself because the reality was that I hadn’t done anything wrong. I need to really wrap my head around that. Forgiveness doesn’t heal that kind of pain. I needed to own my innocence in the situations where I was abused. It made all the difference.

    Take care of yourself. Let them deal with the consequences of their behavior. It’s their turn. You’ve been carrying it up until now.


  2. “You don’t forgive for them, you forgive for you.” I hear it all the time. Yeah right. There are some things that are just unforgivable.


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