The monster I’m afraid of.

monster 2Don’t tell me that you understand

If only you really knew

My body belonged to him you see

You really have no clue

 

I was not just his child

Not like you are your fathers

Instead I was his property

Along with all the others

 

Scared, fragile and alone was I

His breath all on my neck

I wish you could have seen me then

A child, a nervous wreck

 

His hands were coarse and callus

As he rubbed across my skin

I wished the earth would swallow me

As I waited for him to begin

 

His fingers would stroke my leg first

It always made me shudder

It made me feel so sick because

He treated me as a lover

 

His lips would brush across my skin

My neck, shoulders and lips too

He made me kiss him back a lot

I wish it were not true

 

Then would come the toughest part

The part that hurt the most

This part would make me bleed so much

He always used to boast

 

He rammed it deep inside of me

Groaning as he moved

My body learned to just give in

I felt so dirty and so used

 

My pain would never stop him

Even as the tears fell down my cheeks

I tried to fight but couldn’t

He made me feel so weak

 

I tried to scream, I couldn’t breathe

For I was being crushed

My lips his hands would cover

To make sure I was hushed

 

Then it was all over

His time with me was done

He pulled out of me so happy

He had had his bit of fun

 

Laying on the floor now

Bleeding, broken and all bruised

My whole world hit the ground now

For I had been abused

 

He’d stolen my virginity

At just 13 years old

He made me keep his secret

Or else my body he would scold

 

I was just a little girl then

A frightened little child

From that day moving forwards

I barely ever smiled

 

My childhood had now ended

My innocence he had taken

My life would be so different now

My vulnerability it was shaken

 

I knew his hands would be back

His lips and body too

I knew I could not run from him

He would be there as I grew

 

He raped me into adulthood

My body, mind and soul were his to groom

My heart completely broken

Encased inside his evil tomb

 

He turns my dreams to nightmares

Flashbacks, triggers and memories far too real

The monster is still inside my head

Still telling me what to feel

 

So please don’t say you understand

The feelings in my head

Because the monster I’m most afraid of

Is the man that I called “dad”!!

 

Thanks for reading

**Image courtesy of Google Images**

 

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