Do I frighten or embarrass you?
Is that why you walk away?
Mental Illness is not contagious
It is OK for you to stay
You say it is all in my head
I wish that you could see
I do not want to feel this way
For I am never free
You tell me I am faking
That I am not unwell
But let me tell you this my friend
I am faking being well
You are on the outside
Looking in, it’s hard to see
I am on the inside
Looking out, wanting to be free
There is a hell, I’ve seen it
I live it everyday
Trying to survive it
Fighting not to die
It is exhausting, overwhelming
A kind of tired that sleep can’t fix
For when I wake each morning
I am still just as sick
My nightmares are never ending
Emotions are never done
My meds just help me bury them
Keeping safe away from harm
The sadness it consumes me
Pain and anger hurt me too
I feel so many things at once
But emptiness is there too
Hopelessness and loneliness
Take control inside my head
Monsters make me hate myself
Sometimes I long just to be dead
It is hard to act all “normal”
When all I want to do is cry
My body fighting to survive
My mind just wants to die
You tell me I am weak and damaged
But what you cannot see
I have been hurt, betrayed and broken
I trust no one but me
I have wounds that you have never seen
But somehow I survived
I am fighting not to fall apart
I am all broken up inside
Every day is a struggle
A war inside my head
I wish you could see how many times
I’ve wanted to be dead
I know I must be careful
For I have a self-destructive mode
Self-hate and self-harm take me
I struggle all alone
It is harder on the bad days
To try and save myself
Self-esteem is non existent
I’m sinking, going to drown
You say that I am crazy
You’re too scared to see that I am ill
But I have thoughts and feelings too
I am me, not my mental health
On bad days you call me lazy
But here’s what you don’t see
The bad days are the hardest
I am fighting more than you believe
Mental Illness it really does exist
A disorder not a decision
Mental Illness it really is just is
I wish it wasn’t hidden
Mental Illness is not a weakness
You just don’t understand
That nothing is more terrifying
Than the monsters in my brain
Mental Illness is not contagious
It is OK for you to stay
Mental Illness is a struggle
Please don’t walk away
Mental Illness does not make me weak
I am stronger than you know
I’m not lazy, I’m a warrior
My strength it soon will show!
Thanks for reading
**Image courtesy of Google Images**
You describe so many themes of much of my life, especially the depressions. Have you been inside my spirit & soul?
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